Not as good as I expected; maybe better? [Japan, April 2024]

On April 1st I arrived in Tokyo having planned my 3-month stay just two weeks prior to arriving. 

Before arriving in Japan, I had long desired to stay in Japan and study for an extended period. I saw so many other people do this and envied them immensely. When I got laid off from my job for the second time, I decided it was time. It really felt like there was nothing left for me in Edinburgh. Although I had some friends, I didn’t feel like I had a strong enough community or reason for staying in the city any longer. This was exacerbated by the bad associations I have with the city; mainly it’s where my last two relationships broke down. (Despite this I haven’t officially left yet, so if you’re reading this and wondering why I haven’t said goodbye, it’s because I may be back for at least another year to fulfil my EU Settlement Scheme residency requirements.)

I’d come to realize that there is a reason why people leave where they are after a traumatic event. After my divorce, I knew that most people would leave the city after such an awful event, but this time I chose not to and I stayed and tried to make life in Edinburgh work. But truthfully I never believed it would and I knew that the whole time. It had nothing to do with the divorce. After one month of living in the city back in 2020 the awful weather was something I knew, even then, I’d never be able to accept. In spite of that, I continued staying there because I found it much easier to make friends and it felt like a really stabilizing, safe place.

Despite that things were clearly not working in Edinburgh, I didn’t entertain the idea that moving to Japan would solve everything. In fact, I had two approaches to what to do after the lay off. 

1) I could stay somewhere cheap closer to nature and focus on building a new business and career or 

2) I could go to Japan and study Japanese. 

The second option had been on my bucket list for longer was more concrete. I knew that by choosing to come to study in Japan it’d be harder for me to focus on career and what I really wanted in life because the language study and cultural differences would be so absorbing. Despite being a concrete plan though, I didn’t know exactly what I’d get out of a 3-month period of studying Japanese. But I hoped that I’d learn something else, something I didn’t necessarily expect. Maybe something magic?

Let’s see if that’s the case in this April sum up.

Housing

One of the things I’d decided when I chose to come to Japan was that I’d pay less in rent than I did in Edinburgh. Looking back, this was a stupid goal to put on myself. My apartment in Edinburgh was long term and short term housing is always far more expensive.

So when I first arrived in Tokyo after 3 hours in the car with my sharehouse host and saw the dark Japanese-style room with no furniture in it, there was part of me that wished I’d prioritized approach 1) and taken the slower path. This feeling rang true through much of April, with the exception of when I was in class since that was where the benefits of my choice to come to Japan were most evident. Luckily, my classmate came in the second day of class with a long list of places I could move to and I quickly contacted one of them and secured a new place 2 stops away from school. Sadly, I had to wait until May to move into this new place and I ended up feeling like I couldn’t get back into my healthy routines because of this.

Classes

In class, I got to spend three hours a day focusing on kanji, vocabulary, and grammar. My classmates were very similar to me. People who had had long careers, sometimes doing all sorts of things, and were now studying Japanese seriously. We’re from Tunisia, America, Taiwan, France, and Australia. At this time, I think we only have one person in their 20s in the class, which is quite different to what you’d expect. Coto also offers make-up lessons if you have to miss the class for any reason. My friend Dmitry said this alone makes it evident that I’m attending “a fancy school.” I cannot express how much I love my school and how happy I am to walk into that classroom every day.

Friends

One of the crazy things about being a (former?) digital nomad and super sociable person is that I really do have friends all over the world. I already had two friends here when I came to Tokyo, one is my former student while another I met while working in Shanghai years ago. I regularly talk to both people and feel so fortunate that I already have these friends here. Additionally, I’ve made friends with one of my classmates and will probably get closer to my other classmates too. I really wanted to join more events and meet other people outside this circle, but between studying, traveling, finding apartments, etc. it didn’t feel like the right time to meet new people.

One night I had a bad run in with Nihonshu (sake) and I had to sleep over my friend Dmitry’s house because I was so sick I couldn’t really move. I didn’t drink enough to be that sick so I don’t know what happened, but it made me want to stop drinking.

This is one of the reasons I’ve hesitated to join events here, they are extremely centered around drinking and I really do want to be as alcohol-free as possible.

Internal Pressure

One of the things I grappled with during this month was the pressure to do all the things, especially things dictated by Instagram or YouTube as must-do.

For this reason I spent many afternoons in a state of fear-of-missing-out running to every cherry blossom location possible. Luckily, in the process I visited lots of beautiful places. However, I won’t lie that it exhausted me and I think that Japan, or at least Tokyo’s, cherry blossom season is a bit overhyped.

I’m glad that I did it, but now that I have I think I’d avoid it in the future as it’s literally the most expensive time to come to Japan – which is why I didn’t have much choice for apartments when I first arrived!

Food

One of the most surprising things about this visit has been how unimpressed I’ve been by the food compared to my last visit in September. During that time, I ate like a queen. Arguably I also spent way more money than I’m spending now. I have been too busy to really plan out which restaurant to go to and it’s always a pain to cross-check Google with Tableog – the latter also has really bad UX. I must admit though, when I do take the time to do this I’m rewarded with much better food at better prices.

The best food I had was at the two restaurants I visited in Kumamoto, one of which featured a dish called Karashi renko, which was fried lotus root with mustard (pictured above). They also had pretty good sushi too. The second restaurant, which I visited with a friend I met on the tour, was a sumo restaurant where I ate a lot of chicken. I really hate eating animals, but I must admit that at least this chicken was good. 

To be honest, the best food I’ve had thus far was from a vegan restaurant I randomly visited with my mom in Kamakura. I really want to eat more vegan food as it makes me feel way less creepy and tastes pretty good! 

Mom’s Visit and My 40th Birthday

My mom came last minute to hang out with me during my bday. I feel very lucky for this. I have to admit I was really busy and continually stressed about my living situation. Looking back, I really was super uncomfortable in that apartment and that area. Funny enough, my mom got an apartment one stop away and I loved where she lived! It was small with lots of cute shops and apparently a lot of people came there after work for good food and drinks. 

My mom and I went to Kamakura, Zao onsen, Yamadera, and got a shoujin ryouri meal in a temple on Mt. Takao. In general, it seemed like the trip was all about the mountains. Looking back on this, I think I was upset that I was in such a busy city and I tried to just deal with this by “putting a mountain on it.” My mom did really well walking up all the stairs at the various temples, especially Yamadera which had about 1000 steps or so! 

What’s more, my mom also climbed Mt. Takaou with me on a rainy day. That was a lot of stairs and hills to climb. Thank god there was an onsen at the end.

For my 40th birthday we enjoyed the onsen and kaiseki dinners. My birthday was super low key and relaxing. Due to it snowing on the trail I wanted to walk that day, there wasn’t as much for us to do. We used the massage chairs at the hotel more than once and took our time enjoying staying at the ryokan.

Interesting fact about birthday’s in Japan. Asking to have someone put a candle in your dessert at a Kaseki restaurant is a no no because the dishes are 1) super small and 2) are considered art in Japan. So putting a candle in a small Kaisei dessert would be equivalent to writing your name on an artists’ painting. I didn’t realise this at the time, though, and I got very upset when the restaurant at the hotel refused to put a candle on my cake.

Luckily my mom and I went to an Italian restaurant near her house where I got a proper birthday sing-along and candle.

Moving and Golden Week Planning

As you know I hated that small room I found in Ogikubo and moving out was a constant stressor on my mind. The main reason is because I realized I’d have to move the day after my mom left and move my stuff to my friend’s house in order to later leave for Golden Week. I am ashamed to admit that I spent an exorbitant amount of time stressing about golden week once I realized we’d be off for a whole week. This was my chance to see other parts of Japan since I’d be in school otherwise. I jumped at the opportunity. Planning a trip during the highest travel season in Japan last minute is so stressful. Do not recommend. However I eventually built an itinerary that made a lot of sense and in the end nothing ended up being crowded!

My mom eventually offered to help me move my stuff out and store it at her hotel until I could move my belongings to my friend’s house. It was really nice of my mom to spend an afternoon of her vacation watching me pack and clean that room. If she hadn’t offered to do that the whole thing would have been really stressful! 

I thnk the stress of planning the golden week trip as well as the stress I felt at first arriving in Japan due to the trip being so last minute has taught me that I really don’t want to live like this anymore. The whole idea that I have to rush because I can’t let an opportunity pass me by is ridiculous. It really means something to some people, but for me, who’s life is never boring anyway, it can take a rest. 

Tokyo Neighborhoods

I visited a number of neighbourhoods in Tokyo. This time I was based in the west, but commuted further east to Iidabashi. I hadn’t been to the east before and assumed the west would feel less businessy. I did notice this to be true, but I don’t feel the west is cool enough to justify the longer commute. I came to realise that even busy places in Tokyo have quieter areas. It doesn’t hurt that people tend to be quieter in general so it’s easier to really escape it all once you get home.

Since I’m a nature freak, I went to as many parks as I could to relax from the constant concrete. I am glad I did this as I had many beautiful days in the city and it was amazing to see how green and quiet Japan is even in a city like Tokyo.

I also took some trips down south to Minato-ku, my old stomping ground when I was a study abroad student in 2004. In fact, I finally took the 1 hour worth of train rides to my old neighbourhood of Jiyuugaoka. It’s considered the Europe of Tokyo and I gotta say it really is charming. Even this temple felt more quaint than normal.

Ilze and I went to Jidai Temple and Botanical gardens on a school day and it was so gorgeous. There was a cherry blossom garden and so many gorgeous trees. You seriously could have just gone here for cherry blossom season and that’s all you needed!

I spent a lovely afternoon with my classmate learning about his experiences in Northern Korean while enjoying the garden near our school.

Kyushu Travel

After moving out of the flat in Ogikubo I brought my wee suitcase to class and then immediately after was off to Kyushu for a week. I didn’t realize it but my leaving early was a serious god send.

Firstly, when I arrived at the airport, it wasn’t crowded at all like everyone said. Secondly, I got to see both Mt. Fuji and Mt. Aso from the window. 

Kumamoto wasn’t busy whatsoever and the food was tons better than the food in Tokyo. It was smaller and more manageable too. The next day I joined a tour of Mt. Aso and Takachiho gorge. There weren’t many people at all since Golden Week hadn’t officially began. The tourguide told me it was her last day doing the tour as she did’t want to deal with Golden Week crowds. 

I met an amazing woman on the tour named Angela. Angela is from Singapore but owns a restaurant in Paris. She’s similar to me in that she has done so many random things in her life and was also divorced. She also loved to travel last minute, but I think she was less stressed out by it than I was. 

I absolutely loved the tour and would definitely go back to the Kumamoto and Miyazaki area! 

After this I spent a wonderful time by myself walking around in Yufuin. It’s a wonderful town for a stroll, has great food, lovely onsens, and you won’t be able to resist taking photos. I also had such a huge room and felt so relaxed that I really started to process some of my feelings. I hadn’t felt I could do that before and it it really made everything take a turn for the better. 

I went to Fukuoka, which didn’t interest me. I don’t like visiting cities as I find the main appeal of cities to be finding community which is pretty difficult to do when traveling. I did meet a nice tour guide who helped me navigate Book Off, a Japanese used book store, and showed me manga I could read and practice my Japanese with. 

I then went to Ojika island which was about as remote as I could get. I had a good time. Sushi was half the price of Tokyo and better. I can’t say it was as good as in Wakayama back in September, but it was good! The island was small and I was planning on exploring it by bike. I’ll continue this story in the next update though, because the rest of my Kyushu trip took place in May!

Conclusion

When I asked my tarot cards whether to jump on a plane immediately after getting nixed or wait until May, they told me I’d love it anyway but that coming to Japan in May would be way more fulfilling. 

Days after arriving I could see that the tarot cards had been right, and while I did take awhile feeling salty about that, I came around and did my best to feel grateful for this opportunity.  It felt really weird to be living my dream and to struggle to enjoy it because of something like an apartment, but life is life and I guess this kind of thing happens sometimes. 

I think this trip has been extremely good for my mental health and bringing me back down to earth. It taught me the importance of planning ahead, but it also showed me that you can still enjoy yourself even if your past decisions weren’t the healthiest. Perhaps it taught me not to take things too seriously, not to rely so heavily on “dreams” and to project how I will feel about something in the future before it really happens. No matter how much I try, I cannot simplify life or my experience of it. There are always so many damn layers. Maybe now, having been both anxious and extremely happy at once, I can realise that that’s not something I need to worry about overcoming anymore. And in a way, that’s a fucking relief.